work.

I have embarked on life, the adult life. I no longer can afford to spend my days lounging around in the air conditioned house. I have to work a full time 9 to 5 (well in my case 10 to 6). Where has the time gone? Just yesterday I was chatting it up on the phone while the my little brother was at camp and my parents were at work. Just yesterday I didn't have to buy my own things but I did because I wanted to. How times have changed from those yesterdays to today.

My peers and I are no longer kids. We are young adults and I don't know of anyone who is whole heartedly willing to accept it. Of course we love the freedom and the ability to say we are grown but if given the chance would we go back to childhood, the simpler times? I know I would. Corner stores and play house. Life Camp and Girl Scouts. Sitting on the roof and aimless walking. I miss it all. Sadly I feel I lost more when I moved. I missed the childhood that I had grown accoustomed to. And for what? For the sake of a better enviornment for my brother. It wasn't better for me because I grew up with the lesser and I prospered but my parents didn't want my brother to have to go my same route. This is fine and I fully understand so I have learned to accept it. The childhood I so desperately wanted was stripped and given to my brother. Ugh siblings lol.

I now think about I'm about to have bills... I'm about to be paying rent, insurance, cable but no phone bill. What? Daddy is still footing the phone bill. Some working woman I'm turning out to be. An 18 year old apartment renter who doesn't even control her phone, wow. Guess someone doesn't want me to grow up either...

poo.

What people want is always trumped by what people need. People think their wants are their are their needs, which leads to most downfalls. I want to be happy but I need to work for it. I want "him" but I need to work on me. Nine times out of ten you won't here this unless something goes wrong then you attempt to pysch yourself into thinking that you can work on your needs, but that never seems to be the case.

I want so much more than to be the friend/sister type. I've watch many of my male friends fall for the wrong ones and instead of the cruel "I told you so," I sit and listen. They want the pretty "phat" girls that every dude wants but you think only you have. WRONG! They have it all and they are still getting while with your beauty-blinded ass. Meanwhile you have the "friend" i.e me who is that ride or die. The one that will handle anything that comes her way. The one that all your friends get along with and not because she is forced on them but because they generally think she is a cool person. Damn why does being a girl come with so many technicalities?

Boys are dumb. They have never been about to accept that what they need is right in front of them so they go to the ones they want, then after being shot down or played they sit wanting the ones they need only to realize that she left to be needed elsewhere. This whole relationship thing is effed up. You don't want one but you think you need one. UGH!