All About Me Now.

So it's been awhile since I have assessed my life and I'm not sure if anything has changed. I'm seeing more and more of how the world works and for many people I feel they are screwed.

I'm 18. I don't want to settle down and before I thought I did. I wouldn't have been happy. My last real relationship I thought I wanted the boy's baby. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! I don't hardly take care of myself. That is some shit because he wanted me to have one too, he is now in jail. My childhood would have been stripped. My baby would have been the freshest little thing walking while being destined for jail and I know this. Not to say that my peers with children cannot provide for them and teach them right from wrong but I'm still doing wrong. I can't teach what I don't know. So I'm happy that what happened to me actually happened.

My mother told me that I would meet some life long friends at college and I see what she is talking about. My friends are the coolest, if only to me. Like if you sat all my friends in a room together they would look so odd. I love it. People looking in would be like why the hell do i fuck with so and so. I would definitely be like why DON'T you fuck with them? I feel accomplished because my newest "for lifer" would never know what a rel friend looks like if I didn't come along. Like not to toot my own horn but her friends are fucking dogs. Why do we put up with shit like that? Is it because that's what we are used to? I know I have friends that are dogs but I know they would catch a charge for me. Is that why we over look certain shit?

Boys. Ugh. Blah. Humph. It's always a one that I want. I don't want to settle down though. I want it to be a mutual agreement like you do you and imma do me, but we both know where home is. What we will share will be something special that only we understand. Who wouldn't want that? Someone to be there through thick and thin, at the drop of a hat. Someone who doesn't trip off the little shit and gives you the space that you deserve. I want all that. Right now lls.

I thought what I wanted was to be on my own. DUH, but I don't want to be here. I was forced to Maryland (blah) for the better life dream. I was stripped from New Jersey, my home. If i go back nothing awaits but trouble and if i stay it would be nothing but regret. So I have decided that I want to move to Cali. Change of the weather. Change of scenery. I want to be something in life and I feel like this is a step towards getting there. I plan on going to art school and putting myself in the position where I have some choices. Time I make shit about me and live for me. Fuck everybody else who wants me to do anything else. It's time for me to do what I want to. What I believe is the best for me.